How can I feel alone in a crowd of shoppers? It’s easy when we have to stay 1.5 metres apart. When we have to stand on our crosses. Remain behind the line. File into the supermarket one at a time.
The rules and restrictions are there to protect us. To keep us safe. To get on top of the current pandemic. I know that. But knowing we’re doing something that’s good for the community doesn’t make it any easier. Isolating crosses might represent love and concern, but I need human contact.
I miss feeling comfortable with people. Leaning in to share a quiet word. Offering to push a trolley or carry a bag. Lingering at the checkout: Have a great day! Eye contact. Smiles. Laughter that flies up into the air. Meeting friends. A kiss. A hug. A hand on an arm. Fingers touching. Crowded cafes. Mingling voices. Heads close together. Sharing a cake. Sipping coffee. Listening to each other.
We’ve been told:
‘The only lawful reasons to leave the house are to work, study, to shop for food or other essential items, access medical care or exercise alone or with one other person.’
Social distancing at least until June 30. Maybe longer.
I feel helpless. My eyes fill with tears. A pain cuts deep inside me. My life is out of my control.
And then I think: I’m still in charge. No one has to make me stay at home. I don’t actually want to go anywhere. Because life out there is just too hard.
Photo by Arnaud Mariat on Unsplash
