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Life after Babies
When I regained consciousness, I discovered I was lying in a pool of blood. As I was unable to get up, I shouted for Andy. It took several attempts before he woke
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The Value of Not Suffering
Thomas died, and I suffered and had no idea what it all meant. I constantly cried to God, “Why?” One day, I started to understand just a little. I realised that suffering
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Thomas Tintin
Every evening, I settled my pregnant body on the sofa and opened my baby name book. “Annabel? Maybe. Muriel? No. Phoebe? Yes. Phoebe Elvis? P. Elvis? Definitely not.” I pondered each name, wrote
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Losing Control
Once upon a time, I was a perfect wife and mother with a perfect husband and two perfect children, and we were leading a perfect life. My baby and toddler knew what
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Finding Meaning in a Baby’s Death
“I’ve been able to accept Thomas’ death, but I just can’t imagine how any good can come out of it,” I told Tanya, the leader of a local grief support group. “Good
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The Thomas Dress
Imogen never had a new dress until her brother died. She was five years old and, although she had plenty of pretty clothes, she’d never had a dress chosen especially for her,
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Leo, Augustine and Theodore
He arrived in the centre of a funeral wreath and I didn’t like him. He was blue, soft and fluffy, and any child would have adored him. But my child was dead.
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Part of Me
My mother likes to tell the story of how, at the age of two, I threw a monumental tantrum. She isolated me in my bedroom, which I then promptly destroyed. Whenever this
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A Thrill of Excitement
I heard the other day that a friend is expecting twins. How special. Not a lot of people get to experience the delights of having two babies at once, maybe two babies
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How Many Children Do You Have? (Part 1)
One question I always have trouble answering is “How many children do you have?” My tongue stumbles over the words as I try to decide whether to reply “five” or “six”. Do
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Perfection
A few days before Thomas was born, I visited the needlework shop. I wanted something to keep me busy during a prolonged stay in hospital. Well, I hoped I was going to
