Getting Older, Feeling Lost

Gabrielle is having a crisis: she’s lost her top notes. How will she resume her career as a famous opera singer if her voice isn’t what it used to be? What will people say when they find out? What if her notes are lost forever? Will she still be valuable?

I feel for Gabrielle. I understand her situation even though I haven’t lost my top notes. I didn’t have any to begin with. My singing voice is woeful, so I avoid using it. When I do put it into action, I don’t reach high. I sing as low as I can, choosing the gravelly notes I keep in my boots to the great amusement of my family.

So I haven’t lost any musical notes. I’ve lost something else: children who need me. After many years, I’ve run out of children to mother. That stage of my life is over. And my unschooling blog is probably over, too, because I’ve run out of stories to share. My top unschool notes are gone. At the moment, all I’m doing is sending the echoes of old ones out into the world. I cling to my blog, pretending things are okay, unable to move on because I don’t know what to do next.

I wonder: can I write about something other than unschooling, something useful? Or should I pack up my entire online life, snap the lock shut, and move on to a quiet life of knitting and baking? I could do all those things there was never time to do when my life was busy with kids and blogging, like cleaning the house from top to bottom. I could read homemaker books and blogs and buy a floral apron. I could make our home a calm, beautiful, welcoming place. My family might come home at the end of each day and say, “Wow! Thank you for cleaning for us!”

The other day, I googled ‘cleaning apps’ because using technology to organise my life appeals to me. I found an app called Tody, downloaded and opened it. I followed the instructions.

Choose a room. The living room.

List all the tasks that are associated with that room. Vacuum the carpet. Clean the windows. Remove the books from the shelves to dust them. Remove the books? I haven’t done that task since we moved into our home 15 years ago. It seems I’ve got lots of cleaning to catch up on.

Decide whether the tasks need to be done daily, weekly, monthly or seasonally.

Choose days for each task and slot them into the calendar.

Repeat with the next room.

I didn’t realise cleaning a home is so complicated. I could spend all week scrubbing, dusting and sorting and never get to the end, which might be good because I’m looking for something to fill my time.

I spend my day doing chores. When my family returns from work, the house looks fabulous, all shiny and sparkly. My husband, Andy, and several of our adult daughters walk through the front door, kick off their shoes, and drop their bags onto the kitchen table. I wait. I wait a bit longer. And then I say, “Notice anything different?” Andy looks around. He looks at me. He wants to say the right thing. “You’ve had your eyebrows tinted?”

“No, I cleaned the house!” I roll my eyes. I sigh. No one notices whether dust covers our home or not. It’s just not important. So why spend lots of time doing something that doesn’t make a difference? I no longer want to be the Queen Bee of Clean. There must be something more to life, something else I can do.

After all the cleaning, I’m tired. I sink onto the sofa with a mug of tea and pick up my novel. I want to find out what happens to Gabrielle. Will she abandon singing altogether now she can’t be the best? Or will she use her voice talents in a new way? Or perhaps she’ll do something completely different?

Will Gabrielle feel lost forever? Or will she adjust to this new stage of life?

And will I?

The BellBird River Country Choir

If you’d like to read Gabrielle’s story, you can find it in Sophie Green’s book, The Bellbird River Country Choir. My mother passed this novel on to me, saying she’d enjoyed it and perhaps I’d like to read it too. And I discovered that reading isn’t always about the story. It’s about entering someone else’s imaginary world and growing closer by reading and discussing the books they love.

You might like this book if you enjoy stories about female friendships. There are women of different ages in the story who all grow closer together as they help and encourage each other through life’s difficulties.

You might like the setting: a small Australian country town.

This novel might appeal to you if you’re looking for a quick, cosy read. You could read it over a weekend.

Although the Bellbird River Country Choir performs in a church, singing hymns as well as secular songs for a Christmas concert, none of the characters are religious. You might like that or not.

Here’s a proper review of this book: Charming and Nostalgic: Read Our Review of The Bellbird River Country Choir by Sophie Green

And here’s an interview with the author.

Photo

This beautiful bottlebrush was photographed by Caleb Kim, Unsplash.

Why Not Stop by? We Could Chat!

So, have you reached a new stage of your life? Do you feel lost? Have you any stories to share? Or do you ever wonder what you’ll do when your family no longer needs you as they do now?

Have you read any Sophie Green books? Do you ever read books that aren’t quite you but find lots of value in them anyway? And what are you reading at the moment? I’ve just started Richard Osman’s The Man Who Died Twice, another book passed on to me by my beautiful mother.