Today is Thomas’ birthday. Andy and I drove to town this morning to choose a scented candle and a card to display with his photo. We also bought flowers for his grave.
It’s been 25 years since Thomas died. You’d think the memories would have faded by now. But each detail of that difficult time is etched in my memory, never to be weathered away.
Unfortunately, the words on Thomas’ headstone are weathering away. The gold gilt lettering is disappearing. It needs touching up.
It took us a long time to decide on a headstone for Thomas’ grave because it seemed like a very important decision. The headstone would be the book cover of Thomas’ short life. For months, we wandered around cemeteries searching for ideas, our hearts aching every time we came across another baby grave.
Eventually, we decided that Thomas should have a marble headstone and a sandstone gravestone.
I rang a stonemason, hoping to arrange the creation of the stones. The man who answered the phone cut me off as I described what we had in mind. “We’re not taking on any new business at the moment. We’re too busy.” He brushed me off with brusque words which wounded my fragile mother’s heart. Surely he knew how painful losing a child can be? Arranging a headstone wasn’t easy. I had hoped to be treated gently with empathy instead of as a business opportunity the man didn’t need.
We risked ringing another stonemason. When asked how much the headstone would cost, he said, “What is your budget?” When we told him, he said with great kindness he could produce what we wanted for that price. The headstone was Thomas’ first birthday gift.
The words on the new stone glimmered gold in the sunshine as I stood before it. I thought, Whenever someone visits the cemetery and stops at Thomas’ grave, they’ll now know that his life was important even though it lasted only one day.
The headstone words could disappear with time, but my love won’t.
Our love for our children will never fade. Nor does it remain the same. Love grows even if we’re separated.
That’s how it is. That’s the way our hearts are. They were created by God for infinite love.
Thomas’ Love Stories
I’ve written many love stories for Thomas. Here are two of my favourites. Maybe you’d like to read them.
Sue, your home altar is beautiful! It sounds like Thomas was born in the same year as my oldest son. I will pray for you today! Also, I make these little gift bags for my breastfeeding ministry but am expanding a little bit. Once the supplies arrive, my newest one will be a Sacred Heart/Surrender gift bag. If you would like one, email me your mailing address. Or another one I make is an Infant of Prague gift bag. Let me know which one you might like. Or I can mail you one of each!
Gina,
Thank you for your prayers. You are a kind and loving friend.
I would love a gift bag. Thank you! What a wonderful idea. I imagine your bags give much joy to the mothers who receive them. Could I please have a Sacred Heart bag? I will send you an email later so you have my address.
I hope all is well with you and your family. May God bless you and your work. xx
Sue, praying for you at this very very difficult time. I’ve never lost a child I don’t know what it’s like but my heart goes out to you. Doesn’t matter if it’s been a week or 25 years it doesn’t seem to get easier I’m sure. I lost my father when I was 12 years old he was killed in an accident and I miss him now like I missed him back then. But we both have the joy and comfort of seeing our loved one in heaven one day. God bless you Sue. Love Nancy
Nancy,
Oh yes, our longing for our loved ones never disappears. Our hearts continue to ache despite the passing of time. I’m sorry you lost your father when you were so young. You are right: we will be joyful when we are all reunited in heaven!
Thank you for your prayers. I pray for you and your family, too. xxx
Thank you Sue. Even though we are many miles away from each other and probably will never meet in this lifetime I still consider you a sweet and loving friend. Keeping your family in prayer as well, have a wonderful week. I refer to you as my friend Sue Elvis!
My friend, Nancy,
So grateful for your friendship. I love how we’re praying for each other. I hope you have a great week too! xx 😊💜
Praying for you as it is never simple to lose someone you love, young or old. The heart aches! God in His infinite wisdom must know what He is doing as He creates us with such a deep capacity for love and for sorrow.