Where the Carol Bird Sings

Come!

The last time I went to get my hair cut I shocked the hairdresser. “Do any of your girls still believe in Santa?” she asked. “None of them have ever believed in

This Morning I Saw Thomas

This morning I saw Thomas. My bedroom door opened and Gemma-Rose appeared. Without a word, she slipped under the quilt next to me and snuggled up close. Her deliciously cool skin touched

If Only…

“Do you remember the year Dad decided to barbeque the turkey and it went up in flames?” We were sitting around the dinner table last night, remembering past Christmas meals. “Yeah. He

How Many Children Do You Have? (Part 3)

We’re at a homeschool conference. It’s time for the introductions session. I’ve slipped away from the hall. So has my husband Andy. As I hurry along the path, I see him ahead

How Many Children Do You Have? (Part 2)

When our son Thomas died in 1999, we were left with a dilemma: how many children did we have? Was it five or was it six? Now we have a new dilemma:

God Can Do Anything

A few weeks after our baby died, we took our other children to the beach in an attempt to relieve the heaviness of grief. Just for a few hours we wanted to

The Way it Was Meant to Be

We had an appointment with a specialist doctor because our unborn baby had a diaphragmatic hernia. The first question I asked was, “Is there anything we can do?” “We can operate on

Life after Babies

When I regained consciousness, I discovered I was lying in a pool of blood. As I was unable to get up, I shouted for Andy. It took several attempts before he woke

The Value of Not Suffering

Thomas died, and I suffered and had no idea what it all meant. I constantly cried to God, “Why?” One day, I started to understand just a little. I realised that suffering

Thomas Tintin

Every evening, I settled my pregnant body on the sofa and opened my baby name book. “Annabel? Maybe. Muriel? No. Phoebe? Yes. Phoebe Elvis? P. Elvis? Definitely not.” I pondered each name, wrote

Losing Control

Once upon a time, I was a perfect wife and mother with a perfect husband and two perfect children, and we were leading a perfect life. My baby and toddler knew what

Finding Meaning in a Baby’s Death

“I’ve been able to accept Thomas’ death, but I just can’t imagine how any good can come out of it,” I told Tanya, the leader of a local grief support group. “Good

The Thomas Dress

Imogen never had a new dress until her brother died. She was five years old and, although she had plenty of pretty clothes, she’d never had a dress chosen especially for her,

Leo, Augustine and Theodore

He arrived in the centre of a funeral wreath and I didn’t like him. He was blue, soft and fluffy, and any child would have adored him. But my child was dead.