I wake at 1 am and toss and turn, strangling the sheets, as I think about a 7 am Zoom. How will I get through it if I only get three and a half hours of sleep?
I get through the Zoom.
I drive to town to meet my daughter for our regular Thursday shopping and lunch date.
Returning home a few hours later, I haul multiple bags brimming with groceries from the car into the house. I lift, reach and bend, transferring boxes, cans and fresh produce into the pantry, fridge and freezer.
When I’ve finished this task, Nora and Quinn turn their begging eyes my way: Is it time for a walk?
I walk briskly and efficiently through the bush with the dogs.
Can I do a workout? Yes. I skip at a vigorous pace.
As I sip my afternoon coffee, I smile and think of all I’ve achieved today. Who needs sleep? I’m doing well.
Then Andy arrives home. He says he’ll make dinner. But there’s no need: I’ve found some meatballs in the freezer. They just need heating and adding to pasta.
There’s only one problem: there are only enough meatballs for two.
“You and Gemma-Rose can have the meatballs,” I say. “I’ll have the sausage that’s leftover from yesterday.”
Andy agrees with my plan. And that’s when my day falls apart. My husband was supposed to say, “We’ll share the meatballs. Perhaps we can add some salad if there’s not quite enough.”
But Andy doesn’t say that because he’s not a mind reader. He thinks I want the sausage. But I don’t. I want meatballs. They’re stuffed with cheese. They’re delicious.
Reason abandons me. I decide not to have dinner: “I’m not hungry.” But I am. I watch Andy eat his meatballs. My insides churn. My stomach rumbles. What do I do? Somehow, I’ve got myself into a difficult situation, and I don’t know how to fix it.
8 pm arrives. I announce, “I’m going to bed.” It’s still early, but I’ve had enough. As I slide between the sheets, I feel relieved. My day is ending. Andy is probably relieved that my day is ending, too.
The following day, I say to Andy, “Good morning. I’m sorry about last night.”
My love wraps his arms around me and draws me close, saying, “That’s okay. You were tired.”
He understands. He treats me with kindness. I can be kind, too.
Instead of being angry with myself for my unreasonable behaviour, I think about love. My love loves me even on my not-so-nice days. His love is changing me. I also want to love well.
Next time there are not enough meatballs, I will say, “Shall we share what we have?” I won’t worry about missing out.
Not enough turns into plenty when it’s combined with love.
Image
Every evening, our dogs wait by the window, watching out for Andy to arrive home.
There is so much I could say about this, Sue. What a beautiful testimony to love. Tired is when I get into the most trouble. Having loved ones who will understand and forgive is priceless.
I wonder how it might have gone if he had cooked. Or what he might have cooked. And I love how the dog waits. Aw. Lastly, is that a picture of Thomas against the table?
Michelle,
Oh yes, if we have loved ones who are quick to forgive us, we are very blessed.
I hadn’t thought about Andy’s offer to cook dinner. At the time, I dismissed this idea quickly, probably because I thought eating leftovers was less trouble. Things didn’t turn out that way, did they? I caused lots of trouble with my meatballs! Maybe I should have let Andy cook.
I have no idea what Andy would have made, but there’s always something in the pantry or freezer that can be turned into a meal. Next time he offers to help, I will say thank you and let him cook. Andy will probably make me a cup of tea and tell me to rest on the sofa while he makes the dinner. That sounds good! It’s strange how we are often slow to accept help.
Yes, that’s a photo of Thomas. It’s my only good picture of him. The hospital gave us a camera with a roll of film – no phone cameras in those days! – but most of our shots turned out blurry. That’s okay. I’m grateful we have this photo of Thomas. 🩷
So happy you have that photo. ❤️
Ah, yes, it would have been less trouble, and don’t we want to take good care of our loved ones, especially when they’ve worked all day? I will recall this conversation if I should every be in a similar situation. Thanks for sharing your not so good behavior with us, Sue. Haha. You’re such a gem.
Michelle,
Yes, I like to look after Andy at the end of the day. He comes home tired after work, and I don’t want to give him more work to do. It’s good when I have already prepared the dinner.
Admittedly, I find cooking a bit of a chore. It’s not my favourite thing to do. I love finding leftovers in the freezer that just need thawing and heating. Though next time I serve leftovers, I hope I choose a container with enough food for three people!
I can only share my not-so-good behaviour because I have beautiful friends who understand. Thank you! 😊🩷
Our wonderful husband’s know how to take care of us and it is very apparent yours is no exception 😃. How sweet when they pitch in when we need the extra help. Kudos to Andy, and my husband all the other sweet husbands that are represented by the ladies that read this blog!
What a sweet husband you have. Reminds me of mine 😉 I know sometimes we can’t always express what we need. They know us so well don’t they?❤😍💖
Nancy,
You are right: our husbands know us well and want to help us. Where would we be without them? We are very blessed! 😊🩵
You`ve made such a lovely arrangement around Thomas` photos. He is loved so well.
And you are, too! 🙂
Luana,
Oh yes, we love Thomas very much. I like having his photo in a place where I can look at it whenever I glance up from my book or computer.
You are a beautiful friend. Thank you so much for your kind words! 🩷💜